August 23, 1958

 

I didn't really want to join the militia, but it was necessary, and there was nothing I could do. After all this time studying artillery, it was unsurprisingly necessary to respond to Kinmen. I'd waited so long for this moment.

 

This morning, I learned the order to bombard Kinmen from above. I couldn't contain my excitement. As I prepared, I carefully searched the ammunition depot for the dud I'd handled a while ago. I also retrieved the letters I'd written to him over the years but couldn't send.

 

I can't quite remember when I came up with this idea, but I want him to see it. I want him to see that I'm still alive. I've waited for him for nearly ten years, and I can wait any longer. I can wait until the day I can hold his hands again. I can wait for him for this lifetime, and even the next. I'll stuff all the letters into that shell. I hope he, or even someone who knows him, sees it. At least it will bring a little comforting hope and longing to my heart.

 

I tampered with every shell I fired to ensure they wouldn't explode, and carefully engraved his name on the dud that held the letter.

 

At noon, with the sun shining brightly beneath a dark blue sky, I loaded the shell into the chamber, shielding my ears. After the boom, I hoped it would be filled with my thoughts, with love, without harm or bloodshed. I was thankful for these duds; my hands, at least for now, were unstained.

 

I'm glad he received it. We'll wait until the day we can see him again.

 

(Obvious burn marks)

 

1958年8月23日

我其實並不想參加民兵，可這是必須的，我也沒有什麼辦法。學了那麼長時間的炮兵知識，不出所料的是應對金門的，我也為這一刻等待了著麼多年。

我今天早上得知上頭下來的砲擊金門的命令，按耐不住內心的驚喜，準備時在彈藥庫中仔細尋找著我前段時間親手處理好的那枚並不會爆炸的啞彈，也從家裏拿出這幾年給他寫的但是寄不出的信。

我已經不太記得我是什麼時候相處這個辦法的，但我想讓他看到，想讓他看到我還活著，我已經等他了將近十年的時間，我還能等，我能等到再抓住他雙手的那一天，我還能為他等這輩子，甚至下輩子。我會把所有的信塞到那棵砲彈中，我期待這會被他，哪怕是認識他的人看到也好。起碼我的心里能夠多那麼一絲舒適的希望和念想。

我在我的用的每一枚砲彈上都動了些小手腳，以保證他們都不會爆炸，並小心地在那個裝滿信的啞彈上刻上了他的名字。

正午，烏雲的藍天上百日當空，我將那一顆砲彈裝入炮膛，摀緊耳朵。在轟隆一聲砲聲後，我希望這一聲是裝滿我的思念的，是充滿愛的，是沒有傷害，沒有鮮血的砲。我為這幾顆啞彈慶幸，我的雙手，至少現在，還沒有沾上鮮血。

他能收到就好，我們會等到能見到他的那一天的吧。

（明顯的灼燒痕跡）